Don't say No. Say YES!

I always start with No.  In response to my children, my spouse, others asking for money or time, No. No. No.  I regret now my rejection of an opportunity to host a fund raising party for President Obama when he was just Senator Obama.  If I had said yes back then, my effort would likely have been paying dividends now.  No is a curse.

My reflexive negativity reminds me strongly of Jim Carrey's character in the movie  "Yes Man."   In that story, he finds that saying no leads to a small and limited  life.  He goes to a seminar that urges attendees to always say "Yes" and his life turns around.  There are some (Midnight run? Yes!) hilarious, negative effects to always saying yes, and the movie goes very far, having him respond positively to even bulletin board want ads, but you get the gist. He finds adventure, closer friendships and yes, he falls in love (with Zooey Deschanel).  All of this because he turned positive toward life's abundant opportunities.  It is one of my favorite movies and a go-to refresher when I'm feeling down. 

Even though I start with no, I usually change my mind and say yes, but that negative first response still makes its way to my lips too often.  It tends to make those around me give up on my participation before even asking for it and it weakens the impact of an immediate yes.  No is an easy way out of making an effort.  It leaves one safe and secure in their status quo.  It has zero potential to produce positive results.   I almost always regret saying no.

No is risk averse, true, and it is easier.  But it returns almost nothing.  Nothing but the same old, same old.  That's safe and comfortable, but not too adventurous nor likely to lead to bigger things. 

Maybe when someone says no to me in the future, I will consider a way to make saying yes more comfortable for them.  This should be the plan in place even before asking.  I know that I say no a lot, but I am sure trying to make it YES a lot more often.  Maybe if I had said yes to the fundraiser request seven years ago, I'd be saying yes to invitations to dine at the White House.  Maybe.  But I can be sure that saying "No" got me absolutely nothing.